New Book on Loneliness by Ben Mijuskovic

Loneliness is much more than just feeling sad or isolated. It is the ultimate ground source of unhappiness-the underlying reality of all negative human behavior that manifests as anxiety, depression, envy, guilt, hostility, or shame. It underlies aggression, domestic violence, murder, PTSD, suicide, and other serious issues. This book explains why the drive to avoid loneliness and secure intimacy is the most powerful psychological need in all human beings; documents how human beings gravitate between two motivational poles: loneliness and intimacy; and advocates for an understanding of loneliness through the principles of idealism, rationalism, and insight. Readers will understand the underlying theory of consciousness that explains why people are lonely, thereby becoming better equipped to recognize sources of loneliness in themselves as well as others. Written by a licensed social worker and former mental health therapist, the book documents why whenever individuals or groups feel lonely, alienated, estranged, disenfranchised, or rejected, they will either withdraw within and shut down, or they will attack others with little thought of consequence to either themselves or others. Perhaps most importantly, the work identifies the antidotes to loneliness as achieving a sense of belonging, togetherness, and intimacy through empathic emotional attachments, which come from a mutual sharing of “lived experiences” such as feelings, meanings, and values; constant positive communication; and equal decision making.

Order your copy from Amazon or other major retailers.


3 thoughts on “New Book on Loneliness by Ben Mijuskovic

  1. looks like a good read. Does it go into detail about the taboo of loneliness, and does it go into detail about why people feel such a profound shame in sharing feelings associated with it to others?

    1. Yes, it does discuss why people are ashamed to admit they are lonely. Loneliness is an “umbrella concept.” It embraces under its extended spokes: “hostility,” “rage” (Zilboorg); “the sense of failed communication,” “anxiety” (Fromm-Reichmann); “guilt” and “shame” (Fromm). Individuals are ashamed to admit they are lonely because they are afraid it will make them look pathetic, pitiful, as if they were emotional lepers, that it’s a personality weakness where in fact it’s the existential condition. Americans are especially prone to being ashamed of being lonely because we put such a premium on “popularity.” We readily admit to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc.–and foolishly believe that psych meds are the “solution.”

      But loneliness is the very core of our being. It includes feelings and meanings of: abandonment, alienation (Marx), estrangement (Kierkegaard), terrifying freedom (Sartre), etc. etc.

      The fear of loneliness and the desire to secure intimacy with another conscious being–animal, human, or divine–guides us in all we feel, think, say, and do.

  2. The two books, Loneliness in Philosophy, Psychology, and Literature and the new one, Feeling Lonesome: The Philosophy, and Psychology of Loneliness, are fairly comprehensive. In answer to your question about the taboo and shame associated with disclosing loneliness, Loneliness is an umbrella concept; it is often confused with depression. Loneliness is much broader and includes depression, anxiety, hostility, a sense of failed communication, abandonment and betrayal issues, etc. People feel more comfortable when they are “diagnosed” with depression because it’s recognized in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders (296.30) and so it seems publicly acceptable. By contrast, loneliness SEEMS to be a negative reflection on themselves and so they feel embarrassed. That shame is absolutely misplaced. The literature on loneliness goes all the way back to Plato and Aristotle and forward to existentialists like Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, and Sartre.

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